Good morning friends of meat! It is I, your boss (and meat overlord), Chris Cutlets welcoming you to another glorious working week here at The Dubious Meat Company. I am a generous and handsome boss who has taken precious time out of his important business doings to draft an email newsletter to try and make you feel like a part of this meaty workforce family. Apparently worker drone performance and efficiency increases exponentially the more appreciated you feel by your overlords. So you should know that I appreciate each and everyone one of you, that is until you outlive your usefulness to me and you are disposed of in the grinder room accordingly. So in many ways we are just like a real family.
I'd purchased a lovely platter of brisket and bean boils as a new corner office gift and gave it to Worker Meat Drone B-409 to be delivered to your handsome, meaty new doorstep. Unfortunately, Worker Meat Drone B-409 was caught in the meat collapse of conference room 7 along with my platter of delectable boils.
Am I mandated to purchase another gift in celebration of the new corner office? Or is it the thought that counts, and this can be written off as a donation to the wondrous walls?
Unfortunately if Overlord Cutlets hasn't devoured the contents of the basket then you haven't fulfilled your mandated basket gifting. And so you will be put on the absorption list.
I plan on seeing cocaine bear soon. In return I suggest the movie Antiviral if you've never seen it, it's very good and has meats so win!
Also I was temporarily assigned to clean up the discharge from the sphincter in your office due to my meaty tube mouth, and I'd say it won't be a total loss. I've got most of it sucked up, but your files are definitely more dischargey than you'd probably like sir.
We need longer chapters of the flappening....my flaps are as dry as a week old brisket!
Where last week's installment left me in need of degreaser and moist towelettes to finish my shift without slipping out of my chair!
Though I am intrigued by the other female mentioned, was she being rude or was she trying to give Schmark and Schmelen time alone by coming up with a fast excuse to leave?
It would be nice if that was the case, maybe Scmark just went through a bad heart break and the other girl(sister maybe) wants Schmark to be happy 😊
I'm so bloodpumpbroken about Anderson's and Partridge's absorption, I heard they were both only a couple months away from retiring (to the meat grinder)
Well whilst it is a shame that their grindings won't be distributed around the office following their retirement as is tradition, this new corner office really is rather large... So everything turned out for the best I feel
I am unaware if this recommendation falls under company policy, as it is not a film or a book, but I have to recommend The Magnus Archives podcast. It’s a great horror podcast, and includes quite a lot of meat!
Once again The Flappenning is great. It seems like that other girl may be a rival to Schmelen for Schmark's affections.
I also appreciate the updates on the new lay out. I had just gotten used to the old one but, oh well. I also thank you for explaing some of the company rules. I'm still having trouble remembering some of them.
Every day I thank my lucky pocket meats that I haven’t been absorbed by the building just yet... Do you think that it might be due to my partially squid-based dna? Perhaps the building has a distaste for seafood?
Overlord Cutlets,
I'd purchased a lovely platter of brisket and bean boils as a new corner office gift and gave it to Worker Meat Drone B-409 to be delivered to your handsome, meaty new doorstep. Unfortunately, Worker Meat Drone B-409 was caught in the meat collapse of conference room 7 along with my platter of delectable boils.
Am I mandated to purchase another gift in celebration of the new corner office? Or is it the thought that counts, and this can be written off as a donation to the wondrous walls?
Unfortunately if Overlord Cutlets hasn't devoured the contents of the basket then you haven't fulfilled your mandated basket gifting. And so you will be put on the absorption list.
Meaty regards,
Admin Lump
I hope he likes the carefully assorted meat flaps I have left him.
Assorted meat flaps are always a good choice!
I plan on seeing cocaine bear soon. In return I suggest the movie Antiviral if you've never seen it, it's very good and has meats so win!
Also I was temporarily assigned to clean up the discharge from the sphincter in your office due to my meaty tube mouth, and I'd say it won't be a total loss. I've got most of it sucked up, but your files are definitely more dischargey than you'd probably like sir.
I have not heard of Antiviral, but now after watching the trailer and seeing Brandon Cronenberg was director I shall have to hunt it out! Thank you!
Thank you Worker Meat Drone Z-690, a little bit of meat discharge on my files is acceptable and fairly common actually.
You're welcome Overlord Cutlets, I hope you enjoy it, it's one of my favorites.
No problem sir, I'll be sure your office stays at acceptable meat discharge levels, even if I must suck discharge until my retirement day.
Oh my flap, I will for sure miss Anderson and Partridge, hope they'll be all good inside the walls!
I'm not sure about Anderson and Partridge, but I know the walls are happy at least!
Meats, meats.
(Ps, is the company mandated meat celebration still on after the recent unnamable incident?)
Nothing will stand in the way of the mandated meat celebration!!
We need longer chapters of the flappening....my flaps are as dry as a week old brisket!
Where last week's installment left me in need of degreaser and moist towelettes to finish my shift without slipping out of my chair!
Though I am intrigued by the other female mentioned, was she being rude or was she trying to give Schmark and Schmelen time alone by coming up with a fast excuse to leave?
It would be nice if that was the case, maybe Scmark just went through a bad heart break and the other girl(sister maybe) wants Schmark to be happy 😊
Hmmm... so much mystery!
You can't rush art! Especially art as flap filled as this!
Although those are some interesting theories...
I too fancy a meat and mayonnaise sandwich.
They're in the walls now...
Congratulations on your new office overlord! I'll drop a selection of roast meats outside your door tomorrow morning. (::
Fantastic. In doing so you have avoided being added to absorption list.
I'm so bloodpumpbroken about Anderson's and Partridge's absorption, I heard they were both only a couple months away from retiring (to the meat grinder)
Well whilst it is a shame that their grindings won't be distributed around the office following their retirement as is tradition, this new corner office really is rather large... So everything turned out for the best I feel
I am unaware if this recommendation falls under company policy, as it is not a film or a book, but I have to recommend The Magnus Archives podcast. It’s a great horror podcast, and includes quite a lot of meat!
Automatically generated message from the Admin Lump: Thank you for the recommendation
Once again The Flappenning is great. It seems like that other girl may be a rival to Schmelen for Schmark's affections.
I also appreciate the updates on the new lay out. I had just gotten used to the old one but, oh well. I also thank you for explaing some of the company rules. I'm still having trouble remembering some of them.
When is the next part of The Flappening coming? I must know what happens next!!
Every day I thank my lucky pocket meats that I haven’t been absorbed by the building just yet... Do you think that it might be due to my partially squid-based dna? Perhaps the building has a distaste for seafood?